I’m a huge fan of the B-horror genre. Give me the worst crap you can find on Netflix and I’ll watch it and grin the entire time. From CHUD, to Uncle Sam, to any Troma film out there, I’ve enjoyed countless hours of hyper-entertaining garbage.
Which saddened me greatly when I got to Lucky Bastard. It’s dubbed as a “found footage horror,” meaning it was made to look like somebody filmed it with a camcorder. It stars Don McManus from the Shawshank Redemption and Magnolia, as well as Betsy Rue, who is really only known for showing her vagina on camera in My Bloody Valentine.
There’s also Jay Paulson (whose name I’ve never heard before and probably won’t ever hear again), who plays the “lucky bastard” chosen to star in a porno with Ashley Saint (Rue). After his arrival on set, issues arise and he proceeds to lose his mind, and everything goes downhill from there – both for the cameras and the audience.
To say that this movie was particularly terrible in any one category isn’t really doing it any justice. It’s so bad, I feel that my brain has blocked most of it out through the sheer force of self preservation. Placing it in the Horror genre really isn’t proper either – the only thing horrifying about this film was the script. Every joke fell flat and every bit of this movie was poorly strung together. I feel like the entire writing team spent more time shooting a shotgun into the air while balls deep in their prized hog than they did actually writing this film. Don McManus was the film’s only saving grace in that he had a neat beard in this film. That’s it. There was a neat beard. And I guess the entire film looked like every porno I’ve watched on Brazzers. That’s uh… that’s something I guess.
I guess my point is this: if you’re going to make a movie that’s intentionally bad, make it intentionally bad. Make it so over the top that you’re going to make people laugh, or so horribly atrocious that they screen it in indie theaters across the country every week a la The Room. This was just forgettably bad in a way that I will only remember this film existed after a year because I wrote this review, but I’ll remember Street Trash until the day I die because of the dismembered penis flying through the air in slow motion.
So save yourself the 90 minutes it takes to watch this film and go watch an episode and a half of House of Cards, starring Kevin Spacey.
SECOND OPINION
One would only assume it’s only a matter of time before every type of found footage film has been released, so it comes as very little surprise that Lucky Bastard, about a reality porn shoot, is being released. The film opens at night with police entering a home and finding a series of dead bodies throughout the estate, and then piecing together the events via the website’s recorded footage.
This felt pretty authentic, and at times I forgot that I wasn’t watching an actual reality porn film, especially with the graphic sex scenes. The three central cast members give solid performances, but it’s Paulson’s character that drives the film – every scene with Dave is very uncomfortable, and we get the sense that something is very, very wrong. The only major complaint about this is the fact that the viewers never discover why he’s so disturbed.
I never found myself bored or waiting for the movie to end, but I did find that the police footage gave away too much of what was about to happen later. With an NC-17 rating and a theatrical run limited to one theater, I’m not sure how much box office success the film will have, but then again I don’t think the producers are trying to compete at that level. And at 93 minutes long, Lucky Bastard may have been the longest porno I’ve ever watched. Just don’t tell my wife.
★★★☆☆
— Bart